One of my closest friends practices fasting better than anyone I've ever met. Nearly every year during Lent, he fasts from food for six days in a row, eats on the Sabbath, and begins again the following day. I recently asked him to write about this practice, but being more Scripturally and spiritually attuned than I am, he begged off. Still, feeling there was value in others being able to read about this practice and with the possibility that others might even try to fast for a day for the first time in their lives, I convinced him to do it anonymously on my blog. He's going to keep a sort of diary each day and I'm going to share it here. I hope you find my friend's journey exciting and convicting.

-Matthew

Friday, February 23, 2018 Day 10 of Lent

I’m at a point in the fast where my body really has adjusted to not eating. I am entering into what will be the best part of the fast physically. I’m not sure how long it will last. I do have periods of hunger. I had some yesterday, but they pass with time. I do have periods of being fatigued, but they are not so bad, and overall my energy level seems about the same as when I am not fasting. This will all change in time, however. I will become more fatigued, go to bed earlier, and I will become colder and always need a sweatshirt on. But for now, things are going well.

Spiritually, I feel like I am getting cleansed with a scrub brush. Most prayer times I have the last two days have involved me realizing some aspect of my life or my heart that is in disrepair. For example, this morning, as I began the daily prayer office, the opening verse was 1 John 1:8-9, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us; but if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I was then lost in thought for a few minutes as I realized some of my sin. I am too quick to talk and a poor listener at times. I may be quick with an opinion, but it may not be thought out. Do I really listen to others? Especially those with whom I disagree? Why am I defensive? I get distracted so easily sometimes. Am I really focused on living for God like I need to be? Do other people experience me as exuding the grace of God? Shouldn’t they? What would that look like, and why am I not there?

I don’t know, it was a bunch of stuff that ran through my head. In the beginning of that service, not too long after that verse, I prayed a confession and then prayed the response of being forgiven and praying that God would amend my life. It’s been interesting how fasting brings this sort of thing out in me. I’ll be honest, when I am praying confession normally, it can be a struggle to really get to the heart of some things I am doing wrong. Partly because I am thinking about what is next and maybe rushing through prayers too quickly, and partly because I have not put myself in a spot where I am sensitive to the conviction that the Holy Spirit brings.

It is not only my sin that is coming to the surface, but also an awareness of God’s grace. Sunday, during a time of prayer, I was unexpectedly struck by how God’s grace has worked in my life. I remembered some things I had done – active rebellion against God, quite frankly – and it just hit me that nothing apart from the grace of God stopped me and turned me around. It’s more than saying, “I did nothing to deserve it.” I was actually doing things that ought to have excluded me. And yet, God’s grace was there. At the end of the day, that is why I fast and pray and confess and contemplate my sin. I cannot forget what God has done for me already, and I made a commitment that I would place myself in His hands and have him shape me. I realized again on Sunday how my current situation is much different because of God’s grace, and I was overwhelmed. How could I not let that same grace work in me, dig through the muck, and clean me out. My life is not my own. I want it to be too often, I know that. But again, when it comes down to it, I just can't forget that grace that has changed me so much already. When I think of that, it stirs up something much more powerful than conviction of sin or desire for self-will. I do love God. I want to love him better.