Quiet
This morning I read Zephaniah (one of those books near the middle with no fingerprints or underlines) and was grabbed by one part of a verse in the 3rd chapter:
3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
I looked up the Hebrew word for "quiet" in a lexicon and a theological dictionary and you know what I found? It means, "quiet." I was hoping for some hidden, obscure facet in this gem of a word but, as best as I can tell, it means what it says. Quiet. "He will quiet you by his love."
When I was a kid, if I did something wrong or got hurt doing something I shouldn't have been doing, I'd try to blubber out an explanation to my mom between deep gasps for breath. I notice my daughter does the same thing, like when she got stung by a wasp a couple of weeks ago. She wanted to tell me what she was doing as she sobbed and all I wanted to do was hold her close to me and love her (even though my wife was the one she ran to - my impulse was to hold her, rub her back, and say "Shhhh."). I didn't need an explanation. I needed to be her daddy.
In Luke 15, a son leaves home as badly as one could. He alienates everyone and wastes what his daddy gave him on trying to outdo Solomon in Ecclesiastes. He realizes his terrible, terrible choice and decides to go home. He prepares his speech but before he can get it all out his daddy starts throwing a homecoming party. I think of Rembrandt's painting and hear the father saying, "Shhhh," quieting the young man with his love.
I pray that we all experience this kind of loving forgiveness and that instead of preparing our explanations, excuses, or whatever it is occupying our minds that the love of God would quiet you and embrace you like you've never experienced before.
Francis Asbury Resources
I've added a new page to my site this evening. I'll be curating resources about Francis Asbury there. You can see the link on the left hand side of the page or go directly there with this link.
If you find things I've missed, please leave a comment and I'll update the page.
Scripture Memory
A couple of years ago, I started meeting every week with a guy who is on staff with the Navigators. We got to know each other and developed a friendship out of which we started the discipline of reviewing verses of the Bible that we were memorizing. My friend had been memorizing parts of the Bible longer than I've been alive and I was just getting started with the Topical Memory System. After about eighteen months I had memorized the sixty passages in that pack and have moved on to memorize other passages.
Psalm 119:9,11 says, "How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." That was kind of the reason I started memorizing parts of the Bible. Also, you know, it's one of those things I thought I was supposed to do and, I felt a little guilty that I could quote Homer Simpson better than Jesus. So, I did it. At times I wondered why it was so important to me do something that did not come naturally to me at all. Was it misguided piety? Was it so I could rattle off verses and impress people? I really didn't have that kind of "look at me!" motivation, I just wanted to do it. I think it helped my preaching a bit, but I've never been able to figure out where the discipline fit into my life and ministry.
Until tonight.
Tonight, I was getting ready to leave the church when one of my guys had a buddy with him who wanted to talk about baptism. While talking about baptism the guy from my church turned to the other and said, "Are you saved?" I had assumed, wrongly, that if someone was asking about baptism that, well, they were already following Christ. The fellow said, "I don't really know." So, we immediately turned around and the three of us went into my office. I asked him if he even understood the question: what does "saved" mean? I wanted to start at the beginning and explain the human condition. Without thinking I started in sharing and explaining:
Romans 3:23 Romans 6:23 Romans 5:8 Romans 10:9 Romans 10:13 Ephesians 2:8,9 Romans 8:1 2 Corinthians 5:17 Luke 9:23
By the time I got into my truck to drive home I was thinking, "Whoa!" It was amazing to see how a simple discipline meant so much in explaining the love of God in Jesus Christ not with my own words but with God's Word. I carry no authority. It does.
And, because of storing up those words in my heart, one new guy knows the truth about God's love for him and is following Jesus.
Best. Evening. Ever.
More Please
I'm doing some extra-curricular reading at the momement that is meant to generate some ideas I can use for an upcoming Theology of Ministry paper (due in November). It is definitely stirring my mind, but like I experienced during my month away at Asbury, it's stirring my heart as well.
I joked yesterday in the sermon I preached that once I finished the two papers I turned in on Friday I wanted to read something not on a syllabus. So, I started reading a book on Old Testament Theology (I didn't get a single laugh out of that in two services. They must really think I'm a nerd!). The book, linked below, is Dennis Kinlaw's Lectures in Old Testament Theology. Dr. Kinlaw is a bit of a spiritual hero to me. I try to read Preaching in the Spiritonce a year, and I love listening to his sermons and lectures on my iPhone. He taught at Asbury University and Asbury Theological Seminary and so I knew that his book on OT Theology would be right up my alley.
I've only read the first chapter and already have been turned upside down a bit. The essence of that first chapter is that God wants to be known and we can either cooly observe God or we can really know God. Israel's purpose for the Bible wasn't to record things so that modern people could anaylze every jot and tittle and a sterile laboratory; they wrote it down so that future generations could know God. (This isn't to discount serious study of the language, literature, and theology of the Bible. It's the opposite: the more we know the more we can know who God is.)
In this presentation, Dr. Kinlaw shines even more light on something I was thinking while reading the introduction of Harald Linström's book Wesley & Sanctification. One scholar accuses Wesley of being merely an empiricist when it comes to theology, which is certainly a valid argument. Wesley was concerned with the experience of the Christian faith. However, as I read that paragraph in Lindström's book I kept thinking, "But Wesley wanted us to experience the God of the Bible that he studied vigorously - it was a melding of heart and mind. He wants us to know (mind) the God we are to love with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength." Lindström made the same point a couple pages after I thought this, but it did not come alive for me until I read chapter 1 in Kinlaw's book. It's not gnosticism, it's intimacy.
Oh, that we might get more of this! Read more, study more, but do it to get more of God!
Reading
I'm finally done with two of the three papers assigned to me before I left Asbury last month. The other one is not due until November 7th and I am excited to get started on that one, but for now, for the weekend, I'm going to relax and read some of the other books I picked up while in Wilmore. I picked up several books from The Francis Asbury Society including the one I started today - Heroes of the Holy Life. This book contains several mini-biographies of Christians who were deeply concerned with holiness and filled with the Holy Spirit. It's been an inspiring read for the two hours I've had it open. I recommend it. There is a lot of good to be gleaned from Christian biographies and this one is a good starting place. Your heart might get so captivated by one of the people that you read a fuller treatment of their lives somewhere else.
Admitting Weakness
I've confessed over and over to friends, family, and church that my most besetting sin is my ruthless determination to protect my fragile ego. My friends in AA have taught that the first step to recovery is acceptance. From a recovering ego-maniac, Sam's admission helps shine light on the path.
Two Exerpts from Today's Reading.
The American Jesus is more a pawn than a king, pushed around in a complex game of cultural (and countercultural) chess, sacrificed here for this cause and there for another."
Stephen Prothero, American Jesus quoted in Stephen Seamands, Give Them Christ
And, sadly, Jeremiah 36:24 (NIV) "The king and all his attendants who heard all these words showed no fear, nor did they tear their clothes."
Both cause me to tremble.
Accepted
The cross proclaims that when you and I were at our worst, God loved us the most. We may have been rejected by others and tempted to despise ourselves, but we are infinitely loved by God. The cross settles the issue once and for all. No matter how others may define us or how me may be tempted to define ourselves, God has pronounced the final verdict: Accepted through his blood.
Wounds that Heal - Dr. Steve Seamands
My assumption coming into the DMin program was that none of it would impact my heart. I was completely and utterly wrong.
Community and Character
Somewhere I heard the quotation, "You can acquire anything in solitude except character." We need the whole community to test us, to refine us, to enable us to develop aspects of character including strength, kindness, and wisdom that we cannot gain without trials. We all need critics and rebukers, malcontents and misfits - even if (especially if?) these cause us pain - so that our feasting is virtuous and honorable.
Marva J. Dawn. The Sense of the Call: A Sabbath Way of Life for Those Who Serve God, the Church, and the World (p. 219). Kindle Edition.
Indeed. This is the danger for us who live too much in our own heads - we never get tested by the blessing of our community and end up stunting our own sanctification. Blessed is the one whose community is, in the name of our Triune God, building one another up in love (Hebrews 10:24-25).
Seek First
I'm not sure I've ever worked as hard academically as I have these last two and a half weeks. That's a confession, not a brag. It actually feels a bit natural to commit wholeheartedly to something I feel I'm good at.
I only mention that part of my time back at seminary to set up a huge contrast. Forasmuch as I have felt alive in the academic environment during the time I've been here, it is a pitiful tiny thing compared to the gracious work of God in my heart. God brought people, books, and ideas into my life since 29 July, but none of that compares to the Holy Spirit come to break me of my self-centered dependence.
This isn't to say that the work is complete or even that large work has been wrought. It is to say that for the first time in a long time God has drawn the attention of my heart to him in an inescapable way. I spent much time since I came to know Christ putting him off, saying "Wait till I'm ready to surrender every bit of me to your will." With that attitude, that day will not arrive until I stand before the Judge (Hebrews 9:27). Now my resistance is at an all time low and the deep attractiveness of God's holiness is pulling me toward him.
In one of the many evidences of God's great heart work since I've been here, Dr. Robert Coleman came to visit with our cohort yesterday. He has long been one of my heroes of the faith and a man deeply passionate for God because he was a man deeply changed by God at the kneeling rail in Hughes Auditorium across the street in 1950. I listened to him say some pretty moving and profound things yesterday, particularly about holiness, but the thing I keep coming back to is his recounting of the Asbury College revivals in 1950 and 1970. There were lots of questions about that. The underlying question was "How can this happen again in my church?" Dr. Coleman wisely counseled that we cannot create revival but we can be ready by our willingness to lay ourselves bare when it comes. He reminded us of Psalm 85:6 (ESV) "Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?" to point out that the point of reviving us isn't to make much of us but so that God is the central focus of our whole lives. Our rejoicing isn't because we feel good about it but because God is so great and so magnificent that our hearts can't help but rejoice in him.
This is what I perceive right now. The attractiveness of God's holiness isn't about me but about him. My holiness isn't about doing things right but about being obsessed with God with my whole heart because God's greatest gift to us is himself. Why wouldn't I want as much of that gift as I could possibly get?
Nourishing Mother
When I left home last week, my lawn was a mess. A dry brown mess. It almost looks like the roots of the grass are coming out of the ground looking for water. It's a perfect picture of what my heart has looked like for a while. What my lawn needs is what my soul needs: water and reseeding. I'm getting both during my time back at Asbury Seminary.
One of the greatest gifts that I have received in the Beeson Program has been the opportunity to come back to Wilmore, KY. When I graduated from Asbury Theological Seminary in 2003, I didn't waste any time getting the moving van loaded up and down the road. I was ready to start a new phase in life and ministry and I didn't look back much at all. I came back for two Ministry Conferences (2004 and 2006) but I used those primarily as an opportunity to visit and spend time with my good friends, the Houks. I didn't really miss anything but the friends.
Something happened in the intervening years that has made this trip very different. I've found myself in need of water for my parched soul. Not the clean, pure water I prefer to drink out of bottles but flowing rivers of living water from the one who gives when we ask. I've been looking to myself for so much: needs, wants, success, spiritual depth and a bunch of stuff I can't even list. I've completely deluded myself into believing that I can provide what only Jesus can give. The woman at the well in John 4 tells Jesus he doesn't have anything to get the water out of the well; it's like she's saying "Jesus, you don't have the tools to give me what I need." How often I have treated Jesus like he doesn't have the tools or the ability to give me what I need. Here in Wilmore, I'm constantly reminded of the sufficiency of Jesus and those reminders are stripping me of my self-reliance. It's hard. It's painful. But thank God who waters and refreshes his people!
Not only do I need the living water Jesus talked about, I'm also in need of reseeding. I've been told that later in the fall, when we get more rain (please, God!) it will be a good time to plant seed that will help regrow the grass in our yard. Dry, hard ground destroys growth and once the rain comes it's important to seed and fertilize for good growth. For the fruit of the ministry to grow, I need to reconnect with Jesus, the Bible, and the rich depth of Wesleyan theology and praxis. The books, conversations, prayer, worship, and even the walks have been scattering these seeds within me (speaking of seeds and reseeding, have you checked out the Seedbed?).
To stretch the metaphor a bit further, for a lawn to be really healthy you've got to get rid of the weeds. I've also had a time here of reflecting on the reading and the lectures that have exposed some weeds in my spiritual life and my vocation as a pastor. I'm not usually fond of that kind of self-reflection, but if I'm going to be the Christian and pastor I know God desires me to be, I've got to pull those weeds by God's power and his grace. I praise God that he has not only brought me here but also that he has matured me to a place where I can deal with those weeds. It's humbling but deeply grace-filled.
I'm amazed at how this has come together in such a short period of time. There is an intensity of spirit here among our group and in this community that has been exactly what I need. I don't think I ever realized how badly my heart was in need of repair until I stepped onto campus this time. I've been to a few different schools in my lifetime, but Asbury is truly my alma mater.
Wrecking My Cynicism
I don't know where it started or even why, but I've been cynical about group projects, events, and experiences for a long time. What I mean by that is I have a hard time jumping into group activities, especially team-building exercises because I expect the group to let me down at some point. Being cynical and even a bit sarcastic about group activities has become a way of life for me which makes it a bit difficult to get to know people. It also means I've missed out on some pretty special moments in the past.
During the last four days of this Beeson experience I've had my cynicism wrecked in a way I was not anticipating.
I came back to Asbury with a call to do this program. It wasn't something I initially wanted to do but I sensed God's hand in the process and knew I had to be obedient. So, I left home and came here with a desire not only to do well with the program but to connect deeply with my spiritual home (which is the subject of another post). A desire to connect with my classmates? Well, you know, I have friends. Friends I connect with one on one. I don't need a group.
Except that I do. Except that God knows what I need better than I do.
I'm still having trouble putting words to what I've experienced with the group of Beeson pastors I'm on the journey with. They make my cynicism melt. I know the academic portion of this program will be great, but I already know that as of today, August 2, 2012, we will finish it together. As brothers and sisters in Christ. As fellow disciples who will not let any one slip away. Where, O cynicism, is thy sting? That's after four days. Four.
The picture above will be a symbol for me of our willingness to love, serve, and protect one another. We gathered in an, um, undisclosed location last night that was very dark. We lit a candle, sang together and prayed together. The Spirit was at work in those moments, destroying my cynicism. The Spirit has done a pretty miraculous thing in my heart already and I am grateful and expectant. Thanks be to God.
Back in the Saddle
I arrived on campus at Asbury Seminary on Sunday night to begin a new chapter in life and ministry as a Beeson Pastor. I will be on campus for a total of twenty-six days which is a very long time to be away from my family, but they have blessed me by sending me here and I'm deeply grateful.
The first couple of days have been primarily reorienting myself with Asbury. I graduated in 2003 with my Master of Divinity and have returned twice for Asbury's Ministry conference in 2004 and 2006. So, it's been six years since I've been on campus and while many changes have taken place it still feels like my spiritual home. This morning, my fellow pastors and I took part in a chapel service in the Beeson Center. I got to pray for my church and my family with a couple of other people and it was electric - just as I'd remembered feeling while a student here many years ago! I'm really looking forward to more opportunities like that in the weeks to come.
Over the next couple of days, aside from my classes, I'm going to get a chance to visit the new Ministry Center at the Francis Asbury Society, visit with one of my favorite professors and people of all time, and I have the privilege of serving as the Celebrant at a communion service here on campus. I can't tell you what that means to me. I have relished the opportunity to come back and serve my school in this way as an elder. Asbury invested so much in the fulfillment of my calling I feel like it's a small way of saying, "Thank you."
I'm going to continue to post updates as the days pass. I hope you will pray for me and my family!
Bishop Bledsoe Appeals
Can't say that I'm surprised. I think all the options should be exhausted in this case. Bishop or not, these are very serious charges and I would hope that no stone would be left unturned for any elder.
Arkansas United Methodists' New Bishop
United Methodists in Arkansas will soon welcome the Rev. Gary Mueller as the new bishop of the Arkansas Conference of the United Methodist Church. The Rev. Mueller was elected as a bishop last week at our Jurisdictional Conference in Oklahoma City, OK and was appointed to the Arkansas Area by the episcopacy committee. The announcement was made late Friday. I stayed up past my bedtime to watch the announcement through a live-stream.
We look forward to serving under Bishop Mueller. You can read a short article about him by clicking the title. My favorite part was this quote from the Bishop: "You start with the basics, and that’s Jesus and get the congregation to fall in love with Jesus and get excited about sharing Jesus." Amen!
Give Us This Day
For the last few mornings, I've been trying out something I taught to a group of people in May. When I pray, I pray the Lord's Prayerand pause between the words and sentences to reflect and pray specifically for the particulars. For instance, when I pray, "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" I ask God to reveal in my heart the people I have not forgiven or people I am hard-hearted toward so that I may repent. Praying in this way has been a great experience for me and I hope that it continues to deepen my fellowship with God.
The part of the Lord's Prayer that has tripped me up during the last couple of mornings is "Give us this day our daily bread." I confess: I don't trust God for my daily sustenence. I have never wondered when and where my next meal would come from. I'm not bragging. It is the reality for a middle-class white American.
I'm afraid it is killing my soul.
It's killing my soul because it makes my ability to provide all the things I want and need a functional idol. "You shall have no other gods before me." Well, guess what? I've got a pretty sweet looking image of myself imprinted on my heart because oftentimes I trust in me more than I trust in God. I feel stupid for having written that, but it is a confession.
I have not asked God to put me in a position to find food on a daily basis - I'm still too comfortable for that. I am asking God to keep me from being lulled into believing that I can handle some stuff in life and God will handle the rest. Have I ever felt completely dependent upon God for everything? Have you? I feel that must be a terrifying territory to live in but one a part of me really wants to know. The intimacy must be amazing. The selflessness must be liberating. The ability to love others with no fear or anxiety must be what we have been designed for.
I don't know about you, but I'm praying just a little bit more everyday to know the joy of completely depending upon God. The break-up of my relationship with myself is sure to be painful, but more of Jesus and less of me is good for the world.
Asbury Seedbed
I know I've written about this before, but I want to make another plug for the Seedbed at Asbury Seminary. In just a few short months this site has grown into such a fantastic resource for the church and the Wesleyan world in particular.
We are using the Echo catechism with our 7 year old daughter and I am amazed at how quickly she's picking up on the answers and also the depth of the questions she's asking. In addition to this resource, there are some unbelieveable free ebooks available. If you think the free ones are great, you'll want to check out the other books that are priced in a way that will leave you checking back regularly for deals. I've linked the store in the title so you can go straight there.
Don't miss the great article content, either. Second Breakfast? Oh my, I'd rather eat the wisdom of the church first and have food for my second breakfast.
I'm so very proud of my seminary alma mater for their work and contribution to the ministry of the church. I hope you will check them out.
Two Things That Make You Change Your Behaviour [sic]
A great article by my friend Sam. I'll tell you why it is great and why you should read it: 1) It has a professional cycling link and cycling is awesome 2) It's so true yet so difficult for many of us to live day after day. No one likes suffering and few of us can keep our eyes on the reward day after day.
There are lots of applications for discipleship here, too. Have we encountered Jesus in such a way as to know what a great reward he is? Is getting more of Jesus enough to battle through the present sufferings of this life as we make the hard choices to follow him?
Go read and reflect!
It Was a Holy Mess
Probably one of the best summaries of our South Central Jurisdictional Conference last week.
Calling
We've been having a really interesting discussion about pastoral ministry and calling over at the BHT for the last day or so. Calling does seem like such a subjective thing but it really is powerful when a body of people affirm that calling. I wrote a short testimony of that experience over there.
Here's a great resource on calling from the Asbury Seedbed.